I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously… the Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation… Exodus 15
He feels farther away today.
Like I think I hear music on the radio, but it must be turned so low, that I think there’s a song there, but I only kind-of hear it when there’s no whirr of a car passing, or the window’s up and not down or I’m not hitting bumps and driving through potholes or no one is talking or the heater isn’t blaring on high….
and I feel off-key.
There’s a symphony of praise and prayer and promise somewhere rising and I can’t seem to hear it or jump in and praise along…
I cannot explain why the Song is barely there.
Not true. I probably can. I just am too tired and distracted to right now.
I am begging to join the orchestra of rejoicing and I cannot.
It is one of those days and was one of those nights.
The tired, unsure, this- day- is- a- day- He- has- called- me- to- live- by- faith- and- keep- moving- in- Him kind of days.
One of those My- answers- come- in- My- timing- and- you- need- just- wait- on- Me kind of days.
Wait on Me. My timing is perfect…
Beads on my forehead, wringing my hands, restless kind of day.
Alone and a bit parched of beauty.
Alone and a bit withered of joy.
It is like a
Musical Chairs kind of day.
’round, ’round, ’round again…
and the waiting on Him comes with the wondering on Him… and then I wander around and around a bit…
Like the melody is playing and I am circling and circling
and I am not sure whether I should dance my way around
take it slow and concentrated and steady and measured and safe
and anticipate the music stopping
and could I,
can I just…
……let someone else take the seat and I will step away for a bit?
Like a not so party girl sit-with-my-punch-and-cookie-awhile wallflower?
That would be easy to do.
or could I, can I…
… claim the chair I think may just be mine…
and take it to myself… for Him…
would that be ok, too?
Has He already promised me things I have not truly received?
What if I decide to sing along even if I am a little off-key today?
If I’m a little out of tune and don’t have the song altogether figured out?
What if I walk in all He has?
What if I run with all that He has?
What if I just go with His flow and rest in His promises that sing like songs from His Word?
I could get knocked down and tripped up and stub my toe on something really hard
and really heavy
and cry a little bit.
or a lot.
I could fall down:::
Man, I don’t want to be flat.
The falling down.
or the just being
So here I go seeking my chair… music playing… round and round…
the anticipation… the anxious of…
The un-nerving excitement…
The slowing down, the speeding up…
The joy-full song playing…
My joy-full heart…
Even when it wants to slow down and step away from the music…
and out of the circle… running ’round ’round…
He sings close to me::::
He sings deep to me::::
barely there today but barely is enough for me to know that I am His and this is where He is:::
never barely anywhere but everywhere
And He will sing my song:::: His song:::: when I cannot
And He has found my chair
before time began…
and He sees me now ’round and ’round and ’round I go ::: my own strength::: and
You are in your best party dress and this song is Mine and I have given it to you to sing for Me…
you. ::::: singing.