a song to michael

We’ve been apart now, maybe only three hours,

since that moment you were born.

I don’t know if that is wrong

or if it is right.

but it just is.

and you and me, we’re ok with it.

the doctor, he lifted you and you cried and I wept wow and joy- filled and could not wait to hold you against me.

six months ago now, when the earth was birthing new

and it was the day after


we saw a green flicker across the river on barren branches, you and me.

I held you that day while the sun golden- poured through a story 7 window and I marveled at you in the light streams.

A life- movie played in my head long and slow,

snapshots of this journey the Lord used to bring us close to Him.


I’m writing this in my head as you sleep in the backseat on a long ride from somewhere

and I cannot help but love you.

you are round and full with that wispy hair piled over blue eyes and a nose like your sister’s and that giggle you save for your big brother

and like we all say,

we don’t know what it was like before you.

And saying that makes us all happy.


you were this dream I dreamed a while ago

when I told Him

two were just fine.

our inward boy who prefers holey jeans and a long hug

and our outward girl who likes to give presents and likes to talk and likes to make up knock knock jokes

one of each kind

and both more than I had imagined

on a cold day in January many years ago when my womb went empty and my heart numbed long and heaving breathless air

and He promised me that day

He redeems

He redeems from the darkness and He lifts from the pit and He carries through the valley and no mountain cannot be moved when He speaks

{My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed… +Psalm71}

and so they were

my two

our two

the joy of her that arrived after years of a thirsty heart and a fallow womb

when I fell dull into shadows

oh, but He redeems

and the gift of him that came after a whirl of brokenness

with him there

and me leaving

and the two of us saying we cannot:::





:::: anymore

without Him.

oh, He redeems.

{They remembered that God was their Rock, the Most High God their Redeemer. +Psalm78}

and then my love was unsure when I said with a wink


um, maybe?

and I dreamed of you then

and laughed knowingly at the notion of just one more

and your strong daddy

true and brave

and full of Him

prayed about you, Michael,

my littlest love…

and I see

where we were then…

when we said

I do

we do

and I see Who He is now

and who we are in Him




are a part of His love showered

on your Daddy and me.

and I want you to know,

my sweet boy,

He redeems.

And I see His redeeming love when I look at you.

and that is a mighty thing.


You’re crying right now, in that backseat

and I sing you my off-key song:

Riches I heed not nor man’s empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and thou only first in my heart
High King of heaven my treasure Thou are

and you settle a bit and this momma of yours smiles.

I want you to know this, Michael,

that I sing that song over you because it is my prayer for you

even right now,

that He would be first in your heart…

He has good, good things for you, Michael.

And you know what?

It won’t always be what you think you want.





The dream of you is more than I had ever thought would be.

You are ourĀ 


He redeemed some of our broken road in the gift of you.


You have a broken momma, Michael, who loves you deeply.

and you have a broken daddy, Michael, who adores you faithfully.


and you have a Father in heaven, Michael, who took these two parents of yours and bound them together through the thick times to arrive at this mundane, everyday, very beautiful day.

This everyday when, you and me, we are riding up the highway and stopping to change diapers and fill up tummies and gas tanks.

This day,

and the hundred more like it, that I pray, I will never take for granted.

This day of you and me driving home to see our family and scoop them up in hugs and kisses and smiles and cuddles and tucking in to our own beds and waking up tomorrow in the same house, thankful for all that was, all that is

and whatever comes next.

Oh, how He redeems.

and when I look at you, Michael, I remember this.