It’s in the quiet now.

When I can hear the pounding of the day in the distance.

a new tooth pushing up

and a garbage truck coming

a pencil sharpening before counting

a phone call reminding

and the microwave beeping warmed- up coffee

a hamper filling and I hadn’t been aware

and the woodfire waning

I can hear it all 

here

in the quiet.

:::

and, first of all, then,

what do I do?

while I wait?

for the silence to day- break open?

after my love leaves through the door

laden down with thoughts of us and a lunch slung over a shoulder?

before those sweet feet tiptoe not so tiptoeing down a hallway?

fore a baby begins whimpering Mama- wondering will he sleep a bit more or is he smiling- ready for a scooping up?

I stand at the counter, wiping bread crumbs into a cupped hand and fumbling spoons and mugs under dim morning light

wishing I had put socks on

::: I sigh

because it is ordinary and 

because it is 

extraordinary…

and always I look out through:::

across where the sun climbs behind the birches

and today

it is from- scratch even yet again

golden orange and full of mercy, fresh and distinct– apart from all the last

{how is that so?}

these everyday full- of- only- grace beginnings?

So, first of all, then,

what do I do?

while I wait?

… And I think

there lies this difference

between what I

desire

to do

and what

I

need 

to do:::

that sweep of space

between waking

and the day filling furious- fast

that belongs–

I think

only

to

me

somehow?

:::

But

what will I say

comes

first?

What–

Who–

will I actually choose

first, then?

And it does not fall easy for me

this life choice

yes, this

life- giving choice

at sunup

as my phone rests facing down on my nightstand and I want to pick it up

as my computer is ready- charged near my morning chair

and dishes I forgot in the go- to- bedtime are stray and crusted

and that stacking up of good books I resolved about two weeks ago

sit still stiff in their bindings

So,

Who

will I choose first?

Me

or

Him?

And what is that desire that lulls in my heart now?

And I examine it

and I keep it keen and mindful:::

:::

I want His

desire for me:::

to choose

Life

first.

The way He made me

to

open it up

and drink it in

and spill it out to

those tiptoes I am starting to hear

{right now}

and to

their Daddy

who woke up early

fighting tired

and

sleeping embers

on a crunching snow morning like this one

So, first, of all, then?

What do I need to do?

:::

Pray.

Pray to choose the life- giving

over the life- draining.

The Word whose water

makes roots grow deep

and dawning suns rise

out of darkness

and mommies and wives and daughters and friends

pour out those fresh- life words:::

In that hushed and soft sun- blushed morning place…

choose

The

Word

of

Life.

“Come, everyone who thirsts,
    come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
    without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
    and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
    and delight yourselves in rich food.
Incline your ear, and come to me;
    hear, that your soul may live…”

+Isaiah 55