plucked.

I said to him:::: it’s like I’m being plucked.

Does that make sense, I asked.

Like the Lord is plucking things from my life, I said. And I don’t know how I feel about it.

                                          +the wings… wave proudly… but are they… the plumage of love? +Job 39

Like I have these feathers plucked-bare:::

Until it’s just me.

bare and::::

::::: and feeling kind of… more…. aware.

too.aware.of.my.skin.

I can’t say I like it, I said.

::::::::::::::::Smug:: yet, with thanks driven deep in the secret heart-place.

I know what this is. He spoke it in my innermost after I chewed too-chattery on the issue for a few days. I didn’t like it at first.

And I said to Him::: if this is what You are doing, I don’t know if I can bear this well. If I can feel open and vulnerable like this and find joy in this. I want You to know that.

                  :::::::::::::::Plucked.

These feathers of mine:::::

This one. Oh, this one. I liked this one. That one. Oh, please, that one just seems right… right? And then there goes that one, too.

Until it’s just me…..

:::::::::::::::::::::::::: smiling, weak… at a strong Him.

Feathers I preened-pretty and covered down-comfort and strutted peacock-iridescent. Shining.

:::::::::: shining? really?

Plucked.

Pulled slow and fast and flesh-pulling-resistant::::

:::::::::::::: oh, the flesh.

My heart break-beating::: fretful-fainting::::: oh-please-no.oh-please-no.oh-please-no.

He didn’t say it wouldn’t hurt.

He didn’t say it wouldn’t sting.

He didn’t say it wouldn’t burn.

+Beloved, do not be surprised when a fiery trial it comes upon you to test you… +1 Peter 4

::::::::::::::::::: Oh, Father, I feel it in my weary bones. Take it.

Take it.

::::::::::::::::;Stand-up bold in Him.

Because if He is the Taker, then I bow-down thankful.

Take it.

Take it. Because I pray my heart beats for You.

Take it. Because Your heart beats for me.

(the joy in even that alone!)

Take it. Because I am nothing and You are everything.

And my heart beats yes-please.yes-please.yes-please.

:::::::::::::: and I have this one wisp of a life. Take it.

                                         +Surely all mankind stands as a breath before you… +Psalm 39

And, I walk bare right now. I am walking struck-open and sometimes wondering in my wandering, because I feel unsure and confident ::::::: simultaneously.

Confident in Him.

            +In the fear of the Lord, one has strong confidence and His children will have a refuge. +Proverbs 14

::::::::::::::::::: A promise He made.

And so He plucks,

so to dress me one day in purest white,

feathered and nestled under His wings:::: right- now and forever-close.

                                     +He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. +Psalm 91

Because when I am bare and broken and plucked:::: He hides me in Himself.

Every feather plucked bears me closer to Him.

Every plume picked reveals His grace on me.

:::::::::::::::::: thank You, thank You, Lord.

He plucked me from the pit before time began.

And now, He plucks these feathers.IMG_1492

The ones that do not bring me closer to Him::::

for the divine purpose of bringing me closer to Him.

Lord, the One who gives and gives and gives, not that You need my permission, but pluck away…

So I can fly……………….

This is the Lord’s doing… Let us rejoice and be glad in it… Psalm 118

One thought on “plucked.

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