the breathing out

earlyoct08 014He was out on the old tractor at our family Farm.
Rolling on black tires tall,
Meandering through the high grass
Mowing it away
harvesting his refreshment
Happy to find time alone, although he didn’t say.
A breezy afternoon, red Farmall plaid shirt and jeans with a fleece kind of day.
A little late for mowing this year,
Golden rod bowing their heads in the field by now, swaying in the How Majestic is Your Name chorus,
As my love exercises an Eden- gift of dominion over the land, back and forth, to the edge and return,
Back and forth :::
across the once-pasture
Entering into the praise-song of the Earth,
back and forth::
Praising the Creator on this day, blessed to breathe in,
                                   :: back and forth
And I
busying myself about the farmhouse,
sorting the silver and throwing the gingham dishtowel about my shoulder
hearing the slam-click of the screen door while the kids wildly scream in freedom and laughter
Wondrously realizing satisfaction to the once-eluded primal pull of house and home::
soaking in::
giggling in the moment of sheer peace
                                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Gramma arrives early for Pinochle
While crockpot chicken-dill stew bubbles
And I forget to make the brownies
So I greet Gramma in her pearls and ice-blue cardigan that matches her eyes
And to find my own Mama, still outside
hurting in the deep- broken- breaking of this world
and wrap my arms about her too and look in those inherited- blue eyes
Saying::
Let’s go, let’s play a game ::
Can I get you a drink::
Let us sit,
Glad you came,
Today is the day the Lord has made,
A gorgeous day,
The weather you love, right, Mama? Remember?
Breathe it in, Mama, that chorus, do you hear it?
Out in the field, the hallelujah chorus?
The whirr of the tractor cannot out-do it, Mama::
I promise.
The Earth pours it out to Him and you just need listen::
It’s all praise,
Mama, you just breathe, because He cares for the sparrow, you know that,
                                                 ~smile
I know you do.
Praise Him, even when all is hard, Mama.
I inhale deeply, quietly
too
eyes closed with
thanks, wonderment
                                   :: weariness
as I linger to the screen porch.
The sparrow,
The lilies,
Yes, Lord.
Yes, Lord.
My brownie bowl cradled in my arm,
wooden spoon circling,
I call through the screen to my love who has rested a moment
outside
on the tractor looking at the sky:
::::Gramma wants to watch you mow, I say
I whisper in my heart to him:
{She wants to! To really stare out to the trees and the sky of brilliance and the Son that warms and join the chorus and fill that deep longing to praise she can not quite satisfy!}
Wait, Love, to say hello to her before you go
And my Mom is here too and she’s broken in pieces, Love…
{She says she can’t, Love, she says she cannot find Him now in the midst of this pain. Can I say to her with truth and faith in the middle of this:: praise Him? Can we reflect Him by our doing? Can she watch you refresh yourself in Him as you busy yourself in His Creation? Can I serve her here in this place where I am and where she is and let Grace fill in our brittle cracks?}
He smiles his smile
That God-gifted smile
the one that belongs only to him
and to me:: us, together
The smile that makes me breath
quietly reassured
The smile full of God-given wisdom in the middle of this open, baring field
The smile that knows where I have been
and knows where we are going::
                             {with Him}
             :::: joining the hallelujah::::
the smile of my love whispers to me as he sits atop a farmer’s seat in the sun
and
I stand in the shade waiting:
{Yes, he smiles, yes, THIS is where we are and who we are in Him and this is where He has us and this our walk in His will today. We are strong in Him. I’m going to mow now. Have fun playing Pinochle! Go…}
And all he needs to say aloud as I watch his smile…
He waves and yells out, loud enough for her to hear,
HI GRAMMA!
I set the timer for the brownies,
gather the well-worn Pinochle cards,
while I pour my mama a glass, right full,
peering through the window at the giggles and quarrels in the sandbox,
I settle in a chair on the porch where I can face the field,
so when I look up from my cards, I can see him,
praising God with his hands,
as he joyfully toils,
with the ravens flying
and the pines whispering
and the apples ripening
and the clouds moving
joining in the Everything-That-Hath-Breath-Praise-The-Lord Chorus
And I have no choice,
no desire,
to do anything else, but be right here, in this place
in this place,
Where God has called me to
for this moment,
Where Earth and sky and obedience and brokenness and submission and gentleness and thanksgiving and uncertainty and peace all meet:::
::: in the wide open field of PRAISE.
“Oh, come let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the Rock of our salvation! Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the Lord is a great God… In His hands are the depth of the Earth; the heights of the mountains are His also.  The sea is His, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land… 
We are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand…”
Psalm 95

Home

bgceremonyA little poem on thoughts of establishing a home: during my matron of honor toast at my sister’s wedding. (This poem, of course, followed our rendition of the Princess Bride’s “Ma-widge” speech.

Home: builds love, strong on Him: for His glory.

Home: exhales joy: for family.

Home: bears rest: for refreshment.

Home: inhales prayer: for peace.

Home: sparkles laughter: for happiness.

Home: swells patience: for growing thankfulness.

Home: spills gratitude: for one another.

Home: builds love, firm on the Word: for His glory.

The End of Things…

october11 079Pondering… lately… the gifts of peace and hope I’ve unwrapped during a few months of transitioning with home, family and job…
                                                                        ********************************************
When it comes to the end of something:: A  restful vacation: A  quiet nap: A  loved job: A  rare moment: A  treasured friendship: A  passionate love: A  long life: A  bounteous garden: A  snowy winter: A  fleeting childhood: A  luscious dessert: A  first date: A  glorious sunrise:

When it comes to the end of A  beginning:
When I actually realize:

Yes, This is the end of this hidden moment in time,
prearranged for His purpose,

And there will be none other quite like this:

The moment the baby enters the light, The moment the crickets stop singing and the frost hits, The moment I say, “I will”… forever, The moment the sky clears the gray and paints itself pink and purple, The moment the last bleeding heart falls from the vine, The moment the little girl doesn’t want her stuffed sheep anymore, The moment the resignation has been accepted, The moment I forgive and move… and keep moving,
These moments…  

…given to me.

To DO with…

To act with…

Did I do with it what I wanted to? Before it ended?

What He wanted to? Was His purpose completed in that moment of grace and love and opportunity He showered on me?

Slowing… Reflecting… Seeking…
Living purposefully in my moments…

Shining in His purpose for me:
In all of my beginnings::

“The Lord possessed me at the beginning of his work,
the first of his acts of old.
     Ages ago I was set up,
at the first, before the beginning of the earth.” Proverbs 8

In all of my ends::
“But You will remain…
… But You are the same, and Your years have no end.” Psalm 102

And, I pray, in all of the times in between…

Praying, my friends for all of your new beginnings… praying that as you see something end, that you see it shine with the possibilities of Him… and as you embrace a new beginning, that you seek Him, trust Him and thank Him for all that He has for you!